How to Stop Fighting about Money
Arguments over Money Do Not Have to be a Part of a Relationship
Here are five simple tips to stop fighting about money with your partner. Disagreements about money in a relationship creates friction, disharmony, break-ups, divorce and sometimes violence.
Get Comfortable Talking About Finances to Stop Fighting About Money
Discussing finances in a relationship can sometimes be traumatic. Open talk about finances may need to be accompanied by an outside individual for guidance and mediation. Do not hesitate to use all resources available to begin this very important process. Expert advice and counsel can alleviate undue stress while guiding the discussion toward a successful conclusion for both parties. Once talks occur without blame or accusations, the constructive process can begin.
Set Common Goals
Each partner has individual goals regarding money, thus the fighting ensues. Discuss the family finances openly. Put the results on paper so that each partner can understand and remember the objectives being worked toward. After the family goals are obtained, individual goals can be achieved. Sometimes individual goals will enhance the family objectives, such as higher education, relocation for better employment opportunities, etc. These goals are important and should be discussed and agreed upon by all parties involved.
Be Transparent About Accounts
Some partners in relationships and marriages choose to establish and maintain individual accounts while the majority of families choose to pool financial resources. A study by Marilyn Coleman and Lawrence H. Ganong at the University of Missouri-Columbia found that in remarried families, those who pool resources are closer and adult-child relationships are healthier.
Whether a new family or a re-married family chooses to pool finances or have individual accounts, all parties must have access to the information. Secrecy breeds distrust while transparency leads to integrity.
Share Responsibilities on Cash Flow
Reach an agreement regarding expenses and cash flow. Household and monthly expenses must be shared, or at least agreed upon to stop fighting about money. Each individual needs some freedom with spending money and one good way is to agree to not go over a certain limit of expenditure until it is discussed with the other partner. An example would be, a $50 limit or a $100 limit, depending on financial circumstances, can be spent without mutual consent. This simple act affords accountability and builds trust.
Agree on a "Prudent Reserve"
A separate account should be maintained for unexpected expenses. It is important that partners agree to the methods of establishing this account, how the funds will be added, when the funds are added and by whom. When an agreement is reached, each partner will then know what responsibilities are expected of them. Money will be available when needed and goals can be established and met.
Working as Partners
In every relationship, financial difficulties arise. Rather than think of or speak about separation or divorce, try something different. Try working toward the solution. Ruth L. Hayden, a financial educator and author of For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples [HCI, 1999] says “Money doesn’t have to ruin your marriage; instead, it can strengthen the bond by teaching you how to work as partners. The thing that has torn people apart can actually bring them together.”
Living and working through adversity is what creates lasting relationships and marriages. Fighting about money does not have to be a part of the relationship.
Stop Fighting about Money
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